You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Question to discuss:
Roleplay sex for me?

You: ok

You: You are a level 1 HOOKER MAGE. Your inventory consists of ONE DILDOWAND. What do you do?

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: uh

Stranger: aqquire a leather belt

You: You have aquired ONE (1) LEATHER BELT. What do you do?
>Equip
>Explore north
>Nothing

Stranger: equip omg

You: You EQUIP the LEATHER BELT. Your CADDISHNESS raises by a factor of ONE (1). You gain the HOOKER RUBRIC: BDSM BAILOUT

You: What do you do now?

Stranger: you’re fucking hilarious

Stranger: i wip your ass obviously

Stranger: wtf bailout

You: There is no ass to whip in the vicinity. Apart from what appears to be a large PORNSWINE charging at you! What do you do now?

Stranger: omfg

Stranger: i have to get ma lion out

Stranger: hopefully it will die

You: You reveal “THE LION”. The PORNSWINE takes 20 damage to it’s ERECTOMETER. It has 41 ERECTOS left.

Stranger: im sorry i just died

You: The PORNSWINE uses LEVEL 2 WILD FEISTRUBRIC: CODDLEGROPE

You: You receive 12 damage to your HOOKERPRIDE.

Stranger: i died again

Stranger: i feel pissed off

You: Your HOOKERPRIDE: 68/80
What do you do now?

Stranger: fuck it, i have to run

You: You FLEE from the wild PORNSWINE. You are stuck in what appears to be a large warehouse. On further inspection, it appears to be a FILTHY BROTHEL. What do you do now?

You: >Talk to WHORES

You: >Visit the SHOP

You: >Sit down on the floor

Stranger: i would like to visit shop to buy a new lion

You: You visit the shop. The sign above reads “CRYSTALS WHORE-PORIUM”. A vast array of pornographic wares are laid out infront of you. What do you do?

You: >Examine FEISTY WARES

You: >Steal FEISTY WARES

You: >Insult nearby whore

Stranger: can i choose all please

You: You examine the wares, and in a flash you scoop a large amount up in your arms. You flee for the exit, not before yelling some slur at a DRUNKEN WHORE about her fat ugly mother.

You: You make it out into a large outcropping. What do you do now?

You: >Examine STOLEN GOODS

You: >Nothing

Stranger: cant i fly

You: You cannot unlock HOOKERWINGS until you reach Level 21.

Stranger: omfg

Stranger: damn

Stranger: nothing

You: You sit and do nothing. You catch a glimpse of the stolen equipment you have. Among the wares are a LINGERIE CHAINMAIL BIKINI, a DANCING POLE OF BABYLON, and a fetching HOOKERMAGE HAT.

You: What do you do now?

Stranger: id like to set up the pole yeah

You: You set up the DANCING POLE OF BABYLON and preform the DANCER RUBRIC: BODYCURVES OF THE NORSE GODS

Stranger: yay!!!

You: A light shines above you, and above approaches the lesser known god: BREASTULA

You: What do you do?

You: >Talk to BREASTULA

You: >Assault BRESTULA

You: >Dance more

You: BREASTULA*

Stranger: haha um talk to breastula

You: You approach the norse god. Before you can utter a word, a large light is emitted from her 418th BREAST. Suddenly, in her place, lies the WAND OF DESIRES. What do you do now?

Stranger: ohoh

Stranger: id like an upgrade to be more like her then i can get more tips! and afford stuff

You: The WAND OF DESIRES hears your wishes. It grants you 3 extra levels!

You: LEVEL UP x3:
HOOKERPRIDE +18
SLUTBRUTALITY: +23
CADDISHNESS: +7
WHORENDURANCE: +45
TIP AMOUNT: +$5

Stranger: omfgg

You: The WAND OF DESIRES grows dimmer. It has power for 2 more wishes. What do you do now

Stranger: awesome

Stranger: oh

Stranger: buy that lion

Stranger: and

Stranger: wish my stranger have eternal happiness for the rest of his/her days :D

You: The WAND OF DESIRES hears your wishes. The SECONDARY WEAPON: BITCHLION appears in your INVENTORY. The STRANGER also gets eternal happiness for the rest of his life, and thanks you for the kind wish!

You: What do you do now?

Stranger: yay!! oh im not sure!!! :p :s

You: In thought, the PORNSWINE from earlier charges at you again!

Stranger: summon bitchlion!

You: PORNSWINE ERECTOMETER: 40/61
YOUR HOOKERPRIDE: 98/98
You summon the BITCHLION

Stranger: attack with it too

Stranger: omg yay

You: BITCHLION HOOKERPRIDE: 1000/1000
The BITCHLION uses WILD WHORERUBRIC: BITCHSLAP OF THE GODS

You: The PORKSWINE dissipates into thin air. (-40 EP)
You win the battle!

Stranger: yessss!!!

Stranger: :D

You: You gain 208 “EXPERIENCE” and $28!
The PORNSWINE drops ONE (1): PORKY SNOUT

You: What do you do now?
>Continue onward
>View inventory
>Nothing

Stranger: hmmmm

Stranger: i died by mistake

Stranger: i fell off something

You: You fall off a inconveniently placed CLIFF. You died.
GAME OVER

You: Thank you for playing HOOKERQUEST!

Stranger: :’D

Stranger: best game ever

Stranger: thanks stranger XD

You: im gonna

You: make a text adventure out of this

You: now

You: thanks

You: this was acually sortas

You: good for creative stuff thanks :>

Stranger: fun too ;D im gonna look out for that game when you make big bucks selling it

Stranger: :) have a real nice life dude/dudette/true legend of hookerquest x

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

(s)he obviously got bored with it, but it did give me an idea for a text adventure! i’ve coded a few in the past and theyve all sucked due to sticking to one formula, and in the end i end up deleting em. but this is pretty unique im hoping, and it’ll give me something to work toward this summer.

if anyone is interested i could probably send them a copy of it or something if i get around to making it!

  1. swimmingwithgoldfish reblogged this from kingapathy
  2. getthatbamf reblogged this from arisonas
  3. watermeat reblogged this from sassmasteredd
  4. sassmasteredd reblogged this from kingapathy
  5. 50-mourning-dresses reblogged this from kingapathy
  6. kingapathy reblogged this from guttersvoice
  7. carmichaelcarr reblogged this from guttersvoice
  8. ahhjibbliejibblie reblogged this from arisonas and added:
    Dude I want a bitchlion
  9. guttersvoice reblogged this from arisonas
  10. cautiousardent reblogged this from magehenry-moved
  11. magehenry-moved reblogged this from arisonas
  12. princessglisselda reblogged this from arisonas
  13. arisonas reblogged this from iguanafish and added:
    haha shit i completely forgot about this i even have a skeleton program with GUI set up in java for it (i just basically...
  14. iguanafish reblogged this from arisonas and added:
    reblogging for the promise of future homebrew IF (do you use inform to code, or something else?)
  15. gessorly reblogged this from arisonas
  16. puchilapin reblogged this from arisonas
  17. tonightimhighasaprivatejet reblogged this from sawnik
  18. alice-is-still-alive reblogged this from 3armsally-archive
  19. liz-of-all-ladybirds reblogged this from arisonas and added:
    THIS IS BRILLIANT
  20. machinekeys reblogged this from 3armsally-archive and added:
    This is beautiful.
  21. aftersong reblogged this from arisonas